Blogging in absentia

I suppose it could be called 'journaling' if I actually wrote these thoughts down. But I guess it really comes out as daydreaming. Over the last couple months I've thought about a lot of things--traveling, education, family relationships, the state of the union, the state of the world, handcrafts, photography, growing up, teaching--the odd thing is that a lot of my thoughts turn to blog posts in my head. Not many of the blog posts in my head turn real-life, tangible blog posts.

Blogging in absentia takes on a new variety since I have an account on a widely used social networking site, yet hardly ever use it. With certain "upgrades" it happens that you only see updates from people that you more often associate with on their site. They are doing it so that the online sociality reflects reality, but the whole purpose is to stay connected with people that you aren't associating with regularly. I choose not to participate fully on that site, therefore with the quid pro quo system they've created, I am isolated unless I dive in and spend the time 'poking' people and sharing small talk on the wall. My blog, the one that you're reading at the moment, is not linked to that network, so is therefore somewhat isolated. I want others to read my thoughts here, so sometimes I post the link to a blog entry, but is that selfish attention pandering? I doubt it would work anyway, because of the isolation factor.

Here is a thought in praesentia. New Mexico is amazing. When we were in Spain we felt at home in the landscape. There was red rock, sparse greenery, mountains, plains, red tile roofs, dirt roads. Now that we are back it feels right to be back. There is something magical, and I know I've written about it before, about waking up nearly every morning to see hot air balloons all over the valley. The days are precariously hot, but it is worth every degree when the monsoon winds bring in storm clouds to play backdrop to a sunset. The wind picks up the smell of the living desert. Saturday I was doing yardwork and found a wild cactus growing. For real! And driving around the city is a tour of the unknown. We went jogging in our neighborhood and ran past an old Spanish mission. Perhaps, with all enchantments, the effects will wear off. But the complete randomness of moving away to Albuquerque a year ago and the trouble we had finding our place here has been worth it.

Poetry Power

I again stepped WAY beyond out of my comfort zone at school on friday.

One of the English teachers has been trying to introduce the school to SLAM poetry, or Spoken-Word poetry. She has a local poet that has been coming in, and invited some kids to share their own poetry. She wanted us as teachers to encourage more kids to perform, so after pushing the thing for a couple weeks, and after watching another TED talk, I asked if I could perform. And I did. Friday we had an assembly with some professional poets doing their stuff. Luckily we (the kids, myself, and the teacher running the thing) went first. It was incredibly uncomfortable, but I got a lot of good feedback from the teachers, and some of the kids too. One even said I inspired him! The professionals that came out were really moving. One was a graduate of LADE who has gone on to win in national poetry competitions, and has performed on HBO. Hakim Bellamy and Carlos Contreras are part of Urban Verbs. During a conversation after the show, I still felt small in comparison (literally and poetically) but I responded to something Hakim said by quoting a line from one of the poems he had performed. It was amazing to see how that affected him. He, as a poet, tries to affect people. To move them. To connect through words soul to soul, and I guess that validated him. Proved that his work was working.

As for me, is this the last time I perform my poetry? Who knows. I don't anticipate being the next Taylor Mali, but I'll probably do more here at the school. For you, though, is the poem I performed below. It's there as I wrote it, not as it came out, because nerves will have their way with you, no matter what you do.

I am a performer.

It’s “A Nite at the Improv.”

Six shows a day, five days a week. Thank you! Thank you!

Thank you very much! I’ll be here all year!

Any tips are greatly appreciated;

Please pass the hat.

I am a performer.

Playing an actor in my own life

Following the script I have written

Hoping to be the person I said I have been.

But playing myself to be younger than I am

When I start to feel old,

And pretending to be very old

When I’m looking for respect,

Hoping that you don’t put 2 and 2 together

And find out that 2 is how long I’ve been a teacher.

I am a performer.

I play everything’s cool, even if it’s not

And I get all riled up if you don’t talk

Cause I want to hear your thought.

I see something beyond that blank stare

Tempting you to speak your mind,

And I will not let you stay silent!

Because “IDK” is not the answer to a questions

But the beginning of a journey.

I am a performer.

I am a street corner preacher

Crying “Repent! Repent!”

For the end is near,

But finals are nearer.

And tik tik tock says the clock.

Time is passing, are you?

I am a performer.

But here I am.

Heart on my sleeve.

Telling you to look at me. Know me.

This is who I am.

But, in your mind,

 You will see me standing here,

And you will remember, that

I am a performer.

Vexillology

Cool title, right? It is the scholarly study of flags. Just thought I'd share that.

Living in Albuquerque is cool. We are experiencing the city newly every day, since we're still in our first year. There are four seasons here: luminarias, wind, monsoon, and balloons. Many people know about the Balloon Fiesta and that Albuquerque is the hot air balloon capital of the world, in fact, I mentioned it here before. Apparently there is some kind of rare atmospheric condition referred to as the Albuquerque Box which creates a circular pattern of air currents that is ideal for ballooning. But it's not just once a year that you see balloons. We have seen balloons in every month but December and January. It is a simple joy, but it starts your day off right to see them flying along nearly every morning.

Not all is blissful, but sometimes the city is a little bizarre. This is the notorious pre-tax day weekend and I'm sure that you will see the people dancing on the corners in their statue of liberty costumes. In the brief time we were out and about on Saturday we saw a guy with gauges big enough to fit your hand through, a guy who looked like Jerry Garcia, and another guy who kept whacking a little inflatable person with his arrow sign. All dressed up like Lady Liberty. I'm glad I do my taxes at home!

If you are not new to my blog, then you will see a new addition. There is an "I'm a mormon" button. I have a confession: I am a mormon. I mentioned before how I had started a personal profile on mormon.org. I didn't actually finish doing that, but previous to this month's General Conference I was seriously considering it. What finally inspired me to finish was seeing a friend's blog. I followed the link from his mormon button to his personal profile, and remembered some really good times from BYU and sharing faith among almost everyone who surrounded me. Eventually the button will lead to my profile, but each of them has to be approved (thank goodness!). They probably are backed up from in increased traffic after Conference.

I was able to share my faith today also. I was subbing in the Gospel Doctrine class again, and the lesson was "Who is my Neighbour?". I started the class with having everyone stand and greet one another like in Catholic Mass and the exchanging of the kiss of peace. During my preparations I came across Mark 9:83-41 and thought that it would be appropriate to share. A big part of being a neighbor is reaching out to others of the Christian faith. We all believe in Christ, and though I made sure to emphasize my testimony of the Church and the Restoration, I think we need to take a step toward opening our minds and our hearts to those that share in a majority of what we believe. I almost didn't mention the scripture in the lesson since it didn't exactly fit, and we were short on time. But I did, and little did I know there was a Methodist man visiting with a friend sitting in the front row, and he mentioned to me afterward how welcoming it was to feel that. I really love being able to teach, and all the little old ladies make sure to grab me and thank me for the lesson. They also ask me if I'm Canadian, since I spelled neighbor with a '-our' on the board, and to mention that I remind them of the tailor from Fiddler on the Roof.

Albuquerque Moment

When still new to Albuquerque we were asked if we had had any "Albuquerque moments." When we asked what that meant, Kamila's cousin simply told us, "you'll know."

Last night we had such a moment. We heard a clip-clop outside. And what do you know, there was a horse! A horse-drawn cart. And it was completely decked out in Christmas lights. I don't think there was a parade, but we had one!

At the young folks' home

I have had an affinity for all things folk for as long as I can remember. I remember having a Cumberland Gap Christmas cassette that I would always put in the car around holiday time to my family's chagrin. I've never endorsed country music, but folk was different. Mostly due to listening to NPR, I later found artists like Tracy Chapman, Michelle Shocked, Nickel Creek, Ben Taylor, etc. I think I was also influenced by an early appreciation of traditional Celtic music, appearances by James Taylor on Sesame Street, and other Muppet related experiences. After watching the Muppet Movie at a fairly young age, my dream was to learn to play the banjo, and I was devastated to find that they were not accessible to a boy with a pre-teen budget.

After performing for years in the BYU International Folk Dance Ensemble I became semi-obsessed with finding non-American folk music. I mean, who actually listens to Klezmer music? willingly? That's me. In a workshop I went to recently we took a Multiple Intelligences test. My strongest, hands down? Music smart. Even though it has little to do with what I do or how I do it, music is still a huge part of how I live my life. So when Kamila's aunt took us to a concert, I was a bit affected.

Last night we got to go see Po' Girl. They're a Canadian folk band. The two lead girls had such soulful voices that were almost shocking when they started to sing. The deep passion was just elemental in the room. And they had a slide guitar. And a clarinet. And a washtub bass. (WOW! I got to see one in real-live action. Ask my wife how excited I was.) Folk music just seems so authentic. Just the other night we were talking about how all of a certain band's songs sound exactly the same as everything else they've ever done. The music is personal, real. They played a fantastic song in French, which is totally appropriate since they're Canadian! They played a few songs based on styles of her Portuguese ancestry, and a couple more just in memory of their grandmothers. When I listen to folk music I start to feel a connection inside of me. A connection so deep in my gut that there is a physical reaction when I start to feel it, which happens rarely. The feeling is light and dark, it is sweat, tears, and joy. It is my ancestors. It is my being stripped bare. When I listen to folk music I feel that we are all family, and I cannot help but stomp my foot on the wood of an old church concert hall.

3 things

First item up for discussion: social media and the gospel.

A few years back Elder Ballard invited us to use social media sources to share our testimonies. I thought, cool! The church has since started a YouTube channel, updated its site again with new directory profiles, created facebook pages, etc. And I was ok with it since I have often carried on gospel related chats with some friends who aren't members. But I felt pretty off when people started facebook fan pages of Christ. It's not that I'm not a fan, but it just seemed that "out of respect or reverence to the name of the Supreme Being" we should "avoid the too frequent use of his name". I am also a staunch supporter of only supporting official sources. As a missionary I campaigned against the use of the official church logo on t-shirts, and avoided commercial sources for materials such as Deseret Book. I am not a huge fan of facebook either, and I choose not to display a lot of personal information on there anyway. Broadcasting myself is not what I do, especially when it concerns something so sacred. I have, though, always been a supporter of mormon.org and the Church's banner ads that I've seen pop up on the web.

This led me to avoid things like the Mormon Channel or 'liking' many religiously themed messages of any of my friends online. But the week before Conference in Priesthood meeting we watched a couple of the Mormon Messages put out by the Church. I really, really liked them. They were not trite tidbits of Utah-Mormon culture, but genuine, Spirit-filled media spots. That prepared me to be receptive of the message given by Elder Nelson at the General Priesthood Meeting. So, I went on the web and started following the LDS Newsroom, and I am in the process of creating a public profile on mormon.org. When in discussions with students of an evangelical tradition from BIOLA a couple years ago, I admired how they talked so easily of their faith. I do have a testimony, and I don't want to over-bushel my light.

Second item: school

I started my first real teaching job in August. Last year I worked as an intern. I cannot say enough how much that has helped me. If I had only done regular student teaching I would have tanked. I'm not sure I would still be alive right now.

My school, La Academia de Esperanza is a charter school focused on helping students that have moderate to severe social and learning disabilities as well as serving a population that cannot successfully function in regular schools. Many of my students have parents who are or have been in jail, have been in jail themselves, have absentee parents, have a number of substance abuse issues, etc. I have a few students who were very concerned about being convicted of crimes as juveniles. I have another who has been pulled out from class a couple times to meet with her parole officer. I have a kid who wears a hoodie in class and hardly speaks. He's smart, but supremely unmotivated and uncooperative. I think I have about 5 kids who AREN"T pierced, most in some bizarre manner.

When leaving Orem JH, I told the principal that the most important thing I learned was that I could do it. I could teach. I could wrangle teenagers into some half-hazard submission. I could deal with self-centered coworkers that didn't support me. And it turns out that's mostly all I could have learned that would have served me here. I teach US and World History and Government and Economics. That's only two different classes. Apparently our goal is to graduate as many students as possible, which means that they need to fulfill credits. There is no end-of-course exam for social studies like there is for math, science, or reading. So they lump the students into US/World and US/NM history classes. I had a student that transferred from a US to a World history class, but she stayed in the same period. It's only dependent on what credit she needs to graduate. When I tried to wrap my head around it, I couldn't. What do I teach? There's no way I can teach the state core for both classes. I can't teach one half of the class one thing, and the other something else. It would be pure chaos. My Government/Economics class has 15 taking government and 3 taking econ. So, I just teach them history and civics. And as one of the other teachers told me, if they get repeated information, so be it. They need to know it. If they miss something, they won't know and it will be filed along with all the things that they forget even day to day, regardless of long-term retention.

I have issues with this. I know that colleges are have more and more trouble with incoming freshman that have to spend time remediating because they didn't learn it in high school. Getting an A with me is far easier than an A at a regular institution because I'm shooting at the median. How do I maintain higher standards? How do I maintain regular standards? I have some brilliant students, and some who are very motivated to learn. But so many of them have been gone more in the last month than I was through all of high school. And because the situations that have led them to be at our school are still affecting them, we must support them. Because that's what we do. We have to be the ones that care.

Third: Albuquerque

We live by the zoo. Like, not close enough that we can smell it, but at night you can hear the seals barking and the exotic birds having a go at each other. Every day we cross the Rio Grande. During the day the water looks like mud, and it's mostly all that's there. But in the mornings, the light hits the water so that it shimmers white. Kamila's grandma told me in a moment of clarity that her favorite part of Albuquerque was the river. I can see why.

I like the cold more than the heat. I was surprised when I lived in Arizona during a summer that the feat was even possible. But I love fall the most. All during the summer i could not get over the weirdness of the sun. It cannot possibly be 9:30, the sun is still up! And the winter is just as bad. It just doesn't seem natural for it to be so dark so much. But the fall just grooves with you. It's cool at night! The day ends when your activities are ending. As a teacher its when you've got things in order and the kids are finally used to being in school again. I love the fall.

This weekend we went to see the morning Balloon Launch at the International Albuquerque Balloon Fiesta. It was one of the most spectacular sights ever. I don't think I enjoyed the experience of it as much as I could have since I was madly taking pictures, but I enjoyed it tremendously! If anyone visits Albuquerque only once it should be during the Balloon Fiesta. Every morning this last week there were balloons in the air. There's just a special wimzy in the air.

Going Southwest

We made a trip last weekend to New Mexico to feel things out before we moved there. On the trip I learned a few things about myself and the Southwest.

 = Most of New Mexico is on the other side of the Continental Divide
 = This weird, late spring has really made the landscape nice here in Utah. Its actually green!
 = Albuquerque used to be Alburquerque.
 = In New Mexico a common get-to-know-you question is "Red or Green?" They are, of course, referring to chilis.
 = When someone asks you if you like chili, they are not referring to a stew of beef and beans. It's stewed chilis, red or green. It's kind of a sauce, but not like an enchilada sauce or salsa. Its just chili. It is smothered on everything: Mexican food, hamburgers, eggs, turkey sandwiches, etc.
 = Now days it is sometimes hard (at least for me) to separate the Native American aspects of culture (art, architecture, etc.) from the Spanish influences. Both are entwined in modern New Mexico identity. It is one of the most plural societies I have seen in the US. Historically, the Spanish were there 400 years ago, yet they are only celebrating their state centennial in 2012.
 = I love Colorado. Yeah, we went to New Mexico, but we came back through Colorado because of a detour up to Santa Fe. I realized why I loved horses and the outdoors and why I wanted to be a cowboy when I was a kid. The Southern Colorado mountain prairies felt like home. I realized on this trip that I had had a lot of Colorado pride, and I truly loved that land. I think that might have been one of the reasons why I never connected to Idaho - it just wasn't Colorado.
 = The job market in Albuquerque is rough. It's also fairly rough back here in Utah, but there's a lot of openings for teachers still. But, another thing I learned is that the eggs in basket metaphor is silly.
 = Albuquerque is a place where people stay. Not too many people go there, like Utah or California. That's why its still so small. People leave, but they also come back. It felt like home, in a way. Not like family. Net yet, at least for me. But like a friend's place that you're going to for the first time. You can tell it's theirs because you know them, so everything is at once familiar and new.
 = I learned a bit about New Mexico design, but I'll do another post about that later.
 = There was never a disappointing sunset the whole time we were there.
 = I love wildflowers! Indian paintbrush have been my favorites my whole life (I also really like Honeysuckle and Dogwood blossoms). All along the road down there were washes of subtle purple with flashes of pink in the middle of it. I think I like wildflowers because I always root for the underdog and they just seem so idealistic - bringing out beauty and always surprising you when you didn't think it was possible.